He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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