its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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