just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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