I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Girls should come with a carfax report
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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