i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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