capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You dont lie about slip and slides
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
