Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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