i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
