Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
