I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I want her autograph on my taint
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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