Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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