May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
