drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
