I'm going to rape someone's good day.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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