dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
