You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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