I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
