Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
