ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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