i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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