she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
