Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
