So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
