i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
