Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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