Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
