Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
