I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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