Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
