apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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