Kiss
Puke
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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