How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
