Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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