So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
