The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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