i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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