the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
