you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just forgot I was standing up.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
