That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
