i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
