My sheets look like a crime scene.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
