remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
