my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
