well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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