cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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