the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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