His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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