The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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