Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
This is my gift to your gina
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
