wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
