Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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