remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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