You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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